I am so very quickly running out of weeks for apologetic emails. I don’t think I realised quite how unprepared I am until Friday. I don’t like endings. They’ve never been the start of anything good. But I hadn’t really realised how much I was rejecting the inevitable end. I don’t know what the end … Continue reading friday.
The therapist has notified me that he's leaving practice in 12 weeks (there or thereabouts). So, there are feelings..... I am unspeakably angry, terrified and grief stricken by where I find myself. I did not expect to be here with you. As much as I allude to the absolute opposite nearly every week, I … Continue reading here we are, again.
The memories that make me cry are awful, but they hurt in a specific way. Gentle but harsh. They’re bittersweet. Memories of what’s lost and expectations that will never be realised. Being alone. The disappointment of being the end of the line for my family. I’m sure this is not how my parents expected their … Continue reading never shut up.
In the past few years of therapy I have very much tried to tune into myself a bit more both during and between sessions. There really is only so long that one can ignore all the pent up crazy and expect to be a rational human being. When I initially started therapy with current therapist … Continue reading panic at the disco.
Every five months or so I have to endure an enforced therapy break, because he selfishly needs holidays. I have to survive three weeks of blank Friday afternoons - which I try to fill with gin - and as these come at two of the worst times of the year for me - Christmas and … Continue reading break.
How is it possible to forget things within minutes. Huge swathes of time and memory just gone. The brain is entirely fucked up. Here is a critical event or conversation but because it’s important and painful, I’m just going to erase it from your conscious. Well thanks a lot. Really helpful. Never been more thrilled … Continue reading blank.
I don't do it often, but sometimes an hour of therapy is so awful I have to follow it up with an email to the therapist. Which in itself is probably therapy worthy, but it's happened about six times in three years (one when I was drunk on gin in a tin on a train … Continue reading the inevitable email after a horrible hour.
I think it's safe to say no one goes to therapy expecting an easy ride, or indeed a fun time. You pay a stranger to listen to you. Someone you picked off google, or who you were referred to by your GP or a friend of a friend of a friend. You don't know this … Continue reading unspoken.
How did it even happen.
I have gone through 10 therapists in 17 years. Some were awful. Some less so, and my current one is the absolute best fit for me as I am now. I think it’s really important to accept that what you need from a therapist will change as you get older or if your situation changes, … Continue reading the right one, at the right time.